


Thoughts in the Night

by kalinda001



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Angst, Gen, Romance, blakes 7 fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-03
Updated: 2009-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-04 03:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalinda001/pseuds/kalinda001
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avon can't sleep after the events in Sarcophagus. He can't get Cally out of his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Insomnia

Avon stared at the ceiling of his cabin. He always had trouble sleeping; his mind was usually too active to surrender easily to a more restful state. Thoughts crowded his consciousness; worries and uncertainties, the myriad of regrets he was able to keep a small part of his life during the daylight hours. Things he was always able to keep hidden from the others. It would never do to have them realize that he was human.

It had become even worse after the encounter with the alien that had tried to possess Cally. His mind kept going back to the same thread. Relationships. And how he had spent most of his life avoiding them. He didn’t want to think about it. It was not supposed to be that important.

But his mind would not let him go.

It had become such a habit of life, that he was even able to fool himself. It was easier to be seen as someone who didn't care. He found it amusing to present a face that no one could read; to confound others with actions that didn't match with his attitude. Keep them guessing. Don't expect anything from me. How many times had he saved someone but professed to be surprised at his own actions. Or claim that it was purely for selfish reasons. Blind fools; even after he told them that was what he was doing.

It had been too subtle for them. It actually required them to look beyond the surface. Avon smiled sarcastically. It was better that they didn't understand. The expression of caring was his alone; not subject to the expectations or demands of others.

There were only three people whom he had never been able to fool.

Anna. The one for whom he would suffer and die willingly. With whom he was going to spend the rest of his life. Their love had been very special to him.

And she had used it to play him for the fool.

He hated the pain that came from caring. There was no heart to be ripped out if you didn’t have a heart. Unfortunately, pretending you don’t have one, didn't work as well as the real thing.

Blake. The fool. He did love the man. As much as he hated him. Blake always understood that he cared enough to never leave them to die.

And the man had used that knowledge for his own purposes. Tying him with bonds that could not be seen. He had felt trapped.

The years with Blake had reminded him why he had devoted most of his life to acting as if he never cared for anyone.

And Cally.

Cally.

Avon realized why he couldn't sleep.

She loved him and she had fought for him. And he knew that she would. When the alien had invaded her mind and tried to take over the ship, Avon knew it had picked the wrong host.

For the first time, he had to admit it to himself. She alone had understood what he had said about his views of caring. She alone had never used that knowledge to betray or manipulate him.

Fear.

It still remains.

She could still betray me.

His instinct told him that she never would. But, of course, it was the same instinct that had told him that Anna never would.

She can never betray me if she doesn't know.

_A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken._

But those kinds of mistakes can get you killed, Cally. Those kinds of mistakes can…

Still hurt. Why Anna?

It was no use asking a question that would never be answered; a question he already knew the answer to. His caring had been nothing more than a vulnerability she could exploit.

I was a fool to allow anyone to get that close.

So why was he thinking of Cally now?

For a brief moment, when he was kissing the alien, he had felt _her_. The lips he kissed, were no longer the alien he didn't know. In that instant, he knew that she would risk everything for him; that she _was_ risking everything. Action beyond sentiment. _Be safe, Avon. _

Was I imagining it?

Was this someone he would chose to risk everything for again?

Could he hazard it? What would the cost be this time?

Avon got up and headed to Cally's cabin. He had to know the answer.


	2. Visiting Cally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to sleep, Avon visits Cally.

Avon paused outside of Cally's cabin. He was on the threshold of making a decision but he was suddenly gripped with irrational fear. It froze his limbs and made it hard to breathe. He felt the sharpness from wounds that were still healing.

_I’m not ready for this. __I'm not ready for her to see…_ The ugly wounds that marred his body and his soul.

The door slid open unexpectedly, revealing Cally in a muted white nightgown. Her voice was soft and musical. He had never noticed that before.

Cally said, "It's still a door but it's open this time."

Her words brought back memories of the last time that he had stood here. The occasion that started a chain of events that led to this moment.

"I should come back."

A light bubble of laughter erupted in Avon's mind. It matched the look of amusement on Cally’s face. *_ I couldn’t sleep either. _*

Avon’s eyes narrowed slightly. “How did you know?”

“I have always known you, Avon.” Her eyes were gentle and understanding.

Even though Cally couldn’t read his mind, Avon found it disconcerting that she could sense anything from him at all. His normal mental and emotional discipline never seemed enough around her. It put him at a great disadvantage. It was hard to hide himself from someone who could see past the mask that he used to protect himself.

The first time he discovered this had made him wary of her. She wasn’t only an alien; she had become a dangerous one. But she had never used her knowledge of him to harm or manipulate him in any way. He had learned to trust her, more than anyone since Anna. It was then that he realized how she felt about him. Blake had guessed it in his time of conditioned delusion, accusing them of having mutual affinities.

Avon often caught himself staring at her for no functional reason. They were…

*_ We are connected. _*

Avon said with light accusation, “You read my mind.”

Cally shook her head slightly. This was always an issue that came up periodically among humans. They were paranoid around people with psi abilities, even though she repeatedly reassured them that she couldn’t read their minds. “No, Avon. You felt the threads that joined us. That is what I sensed.”

Cally touched his forehead, lightly drawing a line with her fingers. “I cannot read you here.” She brought her hand down and rested it gently on his chest. “But I can sense what is here.” The heat of his body warmed her open palm and radiated up her arm.

“I presume that you’re speaking in a metaphorical sense,” Avon said lightly. Cally wasn’t the only one to have senses that were affected by what was happening. The heat of her hand on his chest, an intimate gesture that reached past his guard in more ways than one.

“Do you want to come in?”

A choice. Their eyes locked on each other. They both knew what the real question was. If he stepped into her cabin, would he let her in tonight? Would he explore their unspoken connection to its natural conclusion?

Anna had always been in the way before, but not anymore. He was determined to believe it. _Keep regret a small part_. Until that callous idiot had opened the wounds up again on the flight deck. A predator sensing weakness and going in for the kill.

_Sentiment is a weakness, let it get hold of you and you are dead. _He had more than enough evidence of that the last couple of weeks. Too much in his life. It was nothing more than a vulnerability that others exploited.

Then why was he still here? His limbs were paralyzed before, preventing him from going inside. Now they were not letting him go.

Avon didn’t want to leave even though his mind told him to save himself. He could not afford another weakness; his last one nearly killed him. He could still feel the sting of the wounds. The pain of loving a woman who had betrayed him

Cally repeated in his mind, *_ Avon, do you want to come in? _* Her eyes were like pools of starlight, drawing him into its mystery. The logical part of his mind insisted on telling him that it was nothing more than the reflection of corridor lights. But it was no longer his rational mind that was in control.

Avon took a step inside and crushed Cally’s body to his. His mouth covered hers in a passionate kiss, long held off desires ignited by the heat of each others bodies.


End file.
